Profiler

October 15, 2008 at 7:29 am 2 comments

As an online ‘profiler’, I am continually amazed by the quality of follow ‘profilers’ both men and women; not to mention my growing disdain for the whole process.

It wasn’t like this in the beginning. Ok, not *right* at the beginning as I wasn’t a user then. But say a decade ago. Back when the internet was still seen as evil; the downfall of humanity as we know it. Back when you needed some nerd gene and natural anti-social tendencies to see the merit in chatting online.

These days it seems that the internet is readily accessible to, well, everyone. And the demographic of “everyone” are out there posting their dribble on forums, creating websites that have awful gif animations of kittens and laughing skulls; using the internet as a dating mechanism…

So in an effort to weed through the pages and pages of a blah-ness that now corrupt the internet, and in particular internet dating sites, I have come to dislike key phrases. The sorts of phrases that make me instantly dismiss a profile and the normie behind it.

Phrases like “fun loving” (aka “I regularly go out on Friday nights with workmates and get too drunk than what is professionally conducive, then post the photos on FaceBook”), “spontaneous” (disorganised); “young looking” (older than their profile states…); “old school romantic” (I only know the old tricks in the books); “like to keep very fit” (gym junkie); and “happy go lucky” (I had a dog I described as ‘happy-go-lucky’…)

But the above phrases don’t irk me to the same magnitude as the following:<!–[if supportFields]> FORMTEXT <![endif]–> <!–[if supportFields]><![endif]–>

“likes/loves/luvs to have a laugh…”

There are a few things that irk me about this statement being used (a: it’s used a LOT; b: who likes to cry?; and c: luvs people, luvs!). It’s biggest flaw is that it’s incomplete and incomplete in the most important way when it comes to profiling. For example:

1. “loves to have a laugh… AT… other people’s expenses?”

2. “loves to have a laugh… AT… high quality UK comedy productions?”

3. “loves to have a laugh… AT… Rove and The Footy Show?”

Examples 1 and 3 are clearly out but how can I judge someone harshly if they do not reveal their poor quality of humour?

“good hearted”

I can see the transcript now… “I just don’t understand why he would steal my identity, commit fraud in my name, abduct my child and then send me threatening letters of demand. His profile said he was good hearted!”

This “personality trait” is really only of any use to those over the age of 60 (but then its more a physical trait… ).

“looking for a good person who is loyal/trustworthy/doesn’t play games”

“Yes, Larry, I’d like to put $1,000 dollars on choice B, his last girlfriend cheated on him with his best mate and then told him that it was the biggest mistake and it made her realize just how much she truly loves him, so he proposed to her and gave her a huge diamond ring and she weeped and promised she would never do it again, but she did, and she kept the ring…”

“genuine guy looking for genuine chick”

I totally agree! I so over getting those cheap, Chinese imported rip-offs, mate!

And the final, all-too-common statement that men place on their profiles (and usually as the only sentence or one of two sentences)…

“Not too good at writing this stuff, so if you want to know more, ask me”

“Hi IntoStuff69 — Saw your profile and was just wondering if you think the global economic crisis is due to political instability in the USA, mass media promoting hysteria, or just a king-tide in the natural ebb in the financial markets, the likes of which we haven’t seen for some time?”

“Hi Angular_Gurl. As long as VB prices don’t go up, its all sweet. Do you like Ford or Holden better?”

Ok, maybe that last one was too harsh.

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Entry filed under: Rants. Tags: , , .

Love is… Marketing and Communications Advisor

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. notagod  |  December 15, 2008 at 11:21 am

    I laughed 🙂 I also enjoyed.

    Reply
  • 2. Adam  |  January 12, 2009 at 7:40 am

    My god, THANK YOU!!!!

    By the way… ASL???

    Just kidding.

    Reply

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