Honesty

December 9, 2008 at 9:48 am 1 comment

Used frequently, out of context, and regardless of it origins, “honesty” takes on a life of its own, often leaving a trail of destruction behind it.

I should know.  I keep making the mistake of saying “Just be honest with me”…  And somewhere between me verbalising and their responding, that statement seems to be twisted into  “Just say whatever comes into your head with no regard for anyone else…”

I can’t really complain.  I didn’t specify what sort of honesty I wanted. The sort that is marked by or displaying integrity;  or the ‘not deceptive or fraudulent’ type?

Geniune.  Fair.  Equitable.  Integrity. Truthful.  Respectable.  Virtuous.  Frank.  Creditable.  Legitimate.  Humble.

All these are used in defining “Honest”. To me, there is a theme – truthful, frank, legitimate and creditable but with regard, respect, virtue and integrity.  So why is it so hard for people to that balance right?

Seems that it is easy to be frank;   to speak of a truth openly.  But doing so with respect and regard for oneself and your listener is trickier.

I have encountered many ‘honest’ statements in my time.  Men have an uncanny way with words, that, for the unsuspecting women, can just bowl you over with their lack of regard and integrity.

For example, many years ago, I was in the middle of having sex with my partner.  It was the first time we had had sex after I’d had a pregnancy termination.  My emotions were high.

After he orgasmed and just moments before I would have, he decided to blurt out,  “I’ve been having sex with Amy and I just need to tell you ’cause I know you value honesty…”

Honestly, I  didn’t need to know that right then.

Unfortunately that is the tip of the Honesty Mountain.  My favourite “honest” pick up lines that have, in all honesty, been said to my face:

“You are first large woman I’ve been attracted to…”,   “I’m not usually attracted to fat chicks, but I dig you…”   and   “Come on, come back to my place. It won’t be THAT bad…”

But these sting far less than those “honest” comments made by loved ones.  Those comments that people tell you for your own good.   Often blunt,  frank,  and brutal, and usually delivered without other traits of honesty…

“I am not looking for a swimsuit model, just someone who looks feminine, not pregnant.”  said the man when the woman said she wasn’t happy, and something needed to change.

“Yes, last time I saw you, you were 5.  Now you are all grown up with a nice set of tits!”, said the much older man to the much, much younger daughter of his mate, when she said that she didn’t remember who he was.

“I can’t afford to pass up an opportunity for sex” said the man when the woman said she wanted a hug and asked if he wanted to see her.

“I see people look at us all the time and think ‘Why is he with her’.  You should be grateful that I am with you” said the very delusional man to the woman when she asked why he wouldn’t hold her hand.

So I am striking “honesty” from the book of adjectives to use with men.  No longer will I foolishly say “be honest with me”.

Instead I’ll say “Be truthful, but in a sensitive, respectful way that pays regard to our existing levels of intimacy and closeness.  Be factual but in a way that doesn’t make me think you are a complete insensitive jerk!”

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Entry filed under: Rants. Tags: , , .

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. notagod  |  December 15, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    What’s worse, is when they’re (men) unintentionaly honest. Becuase you just _know_ they aren’t trying to hurt you.

    *hangs head*. I’m both a man and a Saggitarian, and even tho I aim for true, humble honesty, I usually feel the pain of finding myself knee deep in “honesty”.

    Maybe it has something to do with the inability to coordinate two actions at the same time 😉 Like say, walking and thinking…

    Reply

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